There Are 2 Of Me

There are two types of me

The me the world sees

The glimpses I allow

Even those close to me

Who think they know, don't

They see a strong woman

Capable and mostly smiling

Well dressed and chatty

Taking on the world and surviving

But if they could see inside

They would see the broken bits

The parts that have been glued back together

Other parts that are upside down

Bits fixed with sellotape, cracks still visible

And other parts held together with a thread

So fine it wouldn't take much to break it.

The slow movements just in case something

Shifts out of place

The hard work it has been to get this much repaired

And it hold it all together day after day

The endless exhaustion of trying

Smiling for others when I want to frown and scream and shout

Being strong so that other people

The ones that love me

Won't worry and fret

When all I want to do is die

To end this daily battle.

I remember a life where each day sang

Where joy was my only thought

Each morning an adventure of possibilities

Each night a voyage of pleasure

But this life is different

I know I'm here to learn and to grow

To inspire and teach

But who is on my side now

Who is holding my hand

Who has my back

I DO

I hold my own hand

I cheer myself on

I am my best friend, my lover, my mother

I am all I need

I am my own healer

And while healing I am more beautiful

Than ever before

I am forgiven and I forgive

I am loved and I am love

I am home. I am free.