As a mother
Definitely not perfect, but good
Most of the time
Mistakes made
Looking back proud
Happy that I did the best
With what my broken self had available
I hope it was enough
For two who are a precious gift
Given to a shattered half soul
As a wife
Rejected
Once desired and cherished
Unwanted
Once kept so beautifully in a golden cage
Unloved
Once so sure of everlasting love and devotion eternal
Alone. Lonely. Devastated.
Eviscerated and Discarded
A desperate longing to go back in time
To when there was security
A time of holding, of touch, of two
A time of not being so broken in so many pieces
There is no mending
As a daughter
Short changed and cheated
Betrayed, abandoned, loved with limits
Boxed in and quietened down
Silenced from birth
Left out in the cold and unsupported
Lied to without apology
Even when those many lies were exposed
A mothers unconditional love like a fog
cleared in sunshine, in the blink
A fathers protection abused, the right to trust, stolen away
A legacy of healing, of fixing
Trying to mend something so broken
The fine china pot in too many bits to put back together
Dead but still alive
As a sister
Once friends and sweet sister memories
Closeness and laughter
So much love and a seemingly solid bond
Broken, rejected, abandoned
Looked down on for living
For choosing a path less traveled
Derided and dismissed and discarded
Thrown away like an unwanted pet
Waiting for a morsel of love
Waiting for an idealistic inclusion of family
A feeling of being wanted again
Just as I am, me but more real
But the real me is too frightening
It seems for everyone
I see myself
Broken in too many pieces to fix
Hurt too deeply to smile a genuine smile
Lied to so much that I can't believe again
Wondering if I will ever feel loved again
By a man who thinks I am his world
I wonder if this sick sadness that is
So deep I can't reach it, will go
I see myself trying to heal, slowly
Healing bits, but never enough
Fighting each day
Wading though darkness, heavy, slow
A then a glimpse of light
Because I remember
I am a mother
And they love me
Comments